I had the best day today.
It started out not so great. Kate woke up sick and was throwing up. I immediately felt stressed because (1) whenever my kids are sick throwing up I spend my entire day running around the house trying to make sure all the throw up is contained somehow while walking around in a fog of lysol, and (2) I was going to have to call in to work, which I feel so bad to do.
I set up the usual “puke station” beside Kate’s bed, got her settled, and then prepared myself to be at battle with it most of the day. About an hour after the initial “sick episode” Kate walks downstairs because she’s hungry. I make her wait it out a bit, she goes a while without throwing up, so I give her some animal crakers. Long story short, Kate didn’t get sick anymore throughout the day. It was the best sick day in the history of sick days.
You’re probably wondering how this turned out to be such a great day. Well, it was a great day because I got to spend it at HOME doing things I wanted to do.
I have been struggling a little bit lately. I don’t feel fulfilled some days. I don’t feel happy most days. I am just struggling to find my purpose and maybe my identity a little bit. The things I WANT to do, I don’t have adequate time or energy for. It was so good for my morale to take care of some things at home that I wanted to do. I usually don’t have the energy or desire to do anything at the end of the day these days. I didn’t feel upset or sad the entire day. I didn’t feel unmotivated or uninterested. I felt drive and purpose and HAPPINESS.
I want so badly to stay at home with Harper. I want to spend my days with her, teaching her and loving her. Keep my house clean the way I want to. Have dinner on the table when everyone comes home. Devote time to myself working out. My list goes on and on. I cannot think of a time where I felt this strongly about wanting to be a SAHM. I never felt like this in Mississippi, even after Harper was born. The thought of making my own schedule and working on things that are important to me and being able to love on Harper during the day and have the energy to love on the kids and Shelby in the evening makes me so very happy. When I think about why I’m struggling so much to feel happy lately, I think that’s the reason why.
This dream is going to be at the top of my “wish list” and prayer list for the time being. In the meantime, I continue to live for the weekends where I can focus on what matters most to me. (MY FAMILY). I’m working hard everyday to be positive and not feel so down. I just feel so stuck sometimes.
I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THIS WONDERFUL DAY – a breath of fresh air. A day where I felt productive and successful. A day where I was able to do what makes me happy, and spend it with those I love. A day full of happiness.