I had the best day today.

It started out not so great. Kate woke up sick and was throwing up. I immediately felt stressed because (1) whenever my kids are sick throwing up I spend my entire day running around the house trying to make sure all the throw up is contained somehow while walking around in a fog of lysol, and (2) I was going to have to call in to work, which I feel so bad to do.

I set up the usual “puke station” beside Kate’s bed, got her settled, and then prepared myself to be at battle with it most of the day. About an hour after the initial “sick episode” Kate walks downstairs because she’s hungry. I make her wait it out a bit, she goes a while without throwing up, so I give her some animal crakers. Long story short, Kate didn’t get sick anymore throughout the day. It was the best sick day in the history of sick days.

You’re probably wondering how this turned out to be such a great day. Well, it was a great day because I got to spend it at HOME doing things I wanted to do.

I truly enjoy housekeeping. I was able to wash our sheets, deep clean the downstairs bathrooms, rearrange my closet, clean out my makeup drawer and organize that a little better, catch up on some laundry, give a good clean to the entire downstairs (including dusting and vacuuming), make dinner at a reasonable time, get the kitchen completely cleaned again at a reasonable time, take the kids out for “ice cream monday”, give Harper a bath, get everyone ready for school tomorrow, and sit down with my feet propped up by 7:45 pm. It felt SO GOOD to be productive at my own pace and to do things I chose to do. I had the best little helper in Harper. She and I exchanged about 1,000 kisses today. It was just a good day for Miranda.

I have been struggling a little bit lately. I don’t feel fulfilled some days. I don’t feel happy most days. I am just struggling to find my purpose and maybe my identity a little bit. The things I WANT to do, I don’t have adequate time or energy for. It was so good for my morale to take care of some things at home that I wanted to do. I usually don’t have the energy or desire to do anything at the end of the day these days. I didn’t feel upset or sad the entire day. I didn’t feel unmotivated or uninterested. I felt drive and purpose and HAPPINESS.

I want so badly to stay at home with Harper. I want to spend my days with her, teaching her and loving her. Keep my house clean the way I want to. Have dinner on the table when everyone comes home. Devote time to myself working out. My list goes on and on. I cannot think of a time where I felt this strongly about wanting to be a SAHM. I never felt like this in Mississippi, even after Harper was born. The thought of making my own schedule and working on things that are important to me and being able to love on Harper during the day and have the energy to love on the kids and Shelby in the evening makes me so very happy. When I think about why I’m struggling so much to feel happy lately, I think that’s the reason why.

This dream is going to be at the top of my “wish list” and prayer list for the time being. In the meantime, I continue to live for the weekends where I can focus on what matters most to me. (MY FAMILY). I’m working hard everyday to be positive and not feel so down. I just feel so stuck sometimes.

I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THIS WONDERFUL DAY – a breath of fresh air. A day where I felt productive and successful. A day where I was able to do what makes me happy, and spend it with those I love. A day full of happiness.

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2 Comments

  1. Hello Miranda, My name is Naomi and just wanted to say, ‘I hear you’!!! I too was in a similar place about three years ago. I was working full days with my three little ones at home in school/daycare. I was doing OK with my first two girls, I really loved my job, I had been there for almost 10 years and they were very supportive of me. I was still able to handle it all and was still able to balance, work, home, church and other activities. When my third little girl came along, I hadn’t realised until a couple of years in, the pressure I was under. I actually started to despise Fridays, having to be at home with the girls for the weekend. My workplace was my escape from all the running around after them. I was shattered constantly. It wasn’t until the panic attacks started that I began to really see what was happening. I was exhausted. I hated myself that I didn’t want to be around my little beauties and felt so selfish and such a failure as a mother. This is when I started to really cry out to God, I needed desperately a breakthrough. I was driving to work one morning and was crying to God asking him to please bless me with the desire of my heart and to be at home with my little girls and to make me into the best mummy and wife. Two days after I was made redundant!! Praise God!!. When I was called into the HR room at work and was told the news of the sadness of many staff redundancies that had to be made and that I would be one of them, they were all so sad for me but I was absolutely thrilled. I was full of joy and I couldn’t contain it because this was all I wanted and my God heard me. It was an amazing testimony to them as I was able to share of my story to them which helped them a lot. So, Miranda, Im sure you know this but just wanted to say this again… God hears you and will answer your deepest cries!! He will certainly bless you with the desires of your heart. God bless you

    1. Hi Naomi! I wanted to thank you so much for sharing your story with me and for being so uplifting and encouraging. Your message made me smile, and was a great (and much needed) reminder to me that God hears our prayers. I am so thankful you took the time to leave such a sweet comment. – Miranda

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