Our Nesting Place Blog

Happiness

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I had the best day today.

It started out not so great. Kate woke up sick and was throwing up. I immediately felt stressed because (1) whenever my kids are sick throwing up I spend my entire day running around the house trying to make sure all the throw up is contained somehow while walking around in a fog of lysol, and (2) I was going to have to call in to work, which I feel so bad to do.

I set up the usual “puke station” beside Kate’s bed, got her settled, and then prepared myself to be at battle with it most of the day. About an hour after the initial “sick episode” Kate walks downstairs because she’s hungry. I make her wait it out a bit, she goes a while without throwing up, so I give her some animal crakers. Long story short, Kate didn’t get sick anymore throughout the day. It was the best sick day in the history of sick days.

You’re probably wondering how this turned out to be such a great day. Well, it was a great day because I got to spend it at HOME doing things I wanted to do.

I truly enjoy housekeeping. I was able to wash our sheets, deep clean the downstairs bathrooms, rearrange my closet, clean out my makeup drawer and organize that a little better, catch up on some laundry, give a good clean to the entire downstairs (including dusting and vacuuming), make dinner at a reasonable time, get the kitchen completely cleaned again at a reasonable time, take the kids out for “ice cream monday”, give Harper a bath, get everyone ready for school tomorrow, and sit down with my feet propped up by 7:45 pm. It felt SO GOOD to be productive at my own pace and to do things I chose to do. I had the best little helper in Harper. She and I exchanged about 1,000 kisses today. It was just a good day for Miranda.

I have been struggling a little bit lately. I don’t feel fulfilled some days. I don’t feel happy most days. I am just struggling to find my purpose and maybe my identity a little bit. The things I WANT to do, I don’t have adequate time or energy for. It was so good for my morale to take care of some things at home that I wanted to do. I usually don’t have the energy or desire to do anything at the end of the day these days. I didn’t feel upset or sad the entire day. I didn’t feel unmotivated or uninterested. I felt drive and purpose and HAPPINESS.

I want so badly to stay at home with Harper. I want to spend my days with her, teaching her and loving her. Keep my house clean the way I want to. Have dinner on the table when everyone comes home. Devote time to myself working out. My list goes on and on. I cannot think of a time where I felt this strongly about wanting to be a SAHM. I never felt like this in Mississippi, even after Harper was born. The thought of making my own schedule and working on things that are important to me and being able to love on Harper during the day and have the energy to love on the kids and Shelby in the evening makes me so very happy. When I think about why I’m struggling so much to feel happy lately, I think that’s the reason why.

This dream is going to be at the top of my “wish list” and prayer list for the time being. In the meantime, I continue to live for the weekends where I can focus on what matters most to me. (MY FAMILY). I’m working hard everyday to be positive and not feel so down. I just feel so stuck sometimes.

I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THIS WONDERFUL DAY – a breath of fresh air. A day where I felt productive and successful. A day where I was able to do what makes me happy, and spend it with those I love. A day full of happiness.

Being Someone Else

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The older I get, the more I wish I could have done something else with my life, or have pushed to have a different personality.  I am shy by nature, and when I was younger I was considered “painfully shy”.  It was torture, and I so wish that I could have had the mindset then that I do now about myself.  I would have realized that I wasn’t the center of attention and I wasn’t weird.  I was normal, and nobody paid attention to me.  (I mean that in a good way..)  Instead, I let my shyness take over and it caused me to do things that probably DID draw attention to myself.  It’s funny how that works. 

Even at 35, I’m still shy.  I’m able to talk to strangers and I’m able to put on a good front, but on the inside I’m struggling.  I’m worried about the things I say, or how I look, or how I come across.  After a conversation or interaction is over, I replay it over and over in my head looking for anything that I could have done to cause the other person to think I’m weird.  The same goes for email or texting.  If I feel like I’m more enthusiastic about the conversation than the other person, I start to worry that maybe I’ve annoyed them or they really don’t like talking to me. 

Isn’t that crazy? I know I’m not alone, though. 

Last week I reached out to a former coworker (and current friend) just saying “HELLO” and wishing her well since I hadn’t seen her or talked to her much since we had moved.  For the entire day we talked back and forth, and this is almost more than we ever talked to each other previously.  She is someone who I wished I could be like.  She stopped us in the parking lot one day to tell my husband congratulations on graduating, and after wards I told him “I wish I could be like that, I would never have had the courage to just straight up talk to people like that out of nowhere”.  I saw her as outgoing and thoughtful and friendly – and I wanted to be more like that! (I still do)  Through our marathon email conversations I discovered that my friend is more like me than I had ever imagined.  She struggles with anxiety and being shy, she told me that every time she seemed “outgoing” like that, she was actually dying on the inside.  I sat back shocked at what I was reading.  How can this be?! She puts on such a strong front – I NEVER in a million years would have known that her brain acted the same way mine did when dealing with other people. 

I have to admit, I felt a sign of relief.  And then thankfulness.

Maybe that doesn’t make sense for me to feel that way, but in MY mind it was so refreshing to see someone JUST LIKE ME be something I WANT to be.  She may not realize it, but she’s my motivation moving forward to be a better person to other people.  I still want to be like her in the way she’s able to interact with others, even when she’s cringing on the inside.  I’m hoping that moving forward I’m able to make this a more natural thing for me, and I’m able to feel more comfortable in social situations with people I don’t know super well.  

And, as I’m here talking about how I want to be like someone else, I’m also feeling like I need to just be ME.  My friend is just being HER, and it’s perfect and it inspires people like me.  In my own little Miranda way, I’m going to try to add a little bit of her in my every day.  I’m going to work on being the best ME I can be. 

She and I have challenged each other to reach outside our comfort zones each week.  Last week I reached out to another person who’s new at UA and I’m going to try and be a good friend to her here.  I’m excited for the journey ahead!

February Goals

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I’m so thankful for this blog. I’ve had it for many years, and through the blogging community, I’ve met some of my best friends. I miss blogging regularly, and I’m hoping to get back in to that as this year goes by.

I’m so happy for a new month. January was hard for me. Lately, I feel like I’m getting back to my “old self” a little bit. I’m excited to have some goals for this month to get myself even more back on track.

GET A JOB – I’m so close. I had my heart set on something very specific. I was afraid of going backwards in my career path because I was thinking I’d never get back up again. I’m trying to trust that God has a plan, and I think I’m starting to see that plan before me. Whatever job I get, I’m going to give it 110% and be the best person to do that job. Doors will open for me. I had a very encouraging meeting yesterday and was surprised to hear that I already have somewhat of a reputation (a good reputation) at a place I’ve really been wanting to work. I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I’m so thankful for the work God was doing behind the scenes.

PLAN MORE FUN TIME – I used to do so many fun things with my kids. We decorated for the holidays, had family fun nights, did crafts. I want to do that again. I have great memories, and I know my kids do too. This month I’m going to plan on a little family Valentine’s Day party. I know the kids will love it.

ROUTINE – I know I mention routine a LOT, but it’s important to me. I don’t function at my fullest without a routine. I’d like to continue to get that nailed down. I feel like we’ve really struggled with that lately.

Most of all, I want to live in the present and really focus on what is in front of me. I want to stop worrying about things that are beyond my control. I want to live life to the fullest starting at home. I want to create a great home life for my family. I want to do things that make me happy.

It’s going to be a great month!

One Week

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We’ve been in Arkansas for 1 week now. We are SO thankful to be here! Packing up and leaving Starkville was physically exhausting. There were moments where I felt like we’d never get the truck loaded. We were so tired, and so anxious, and so D.O.N.E by the time it came to pull out of town. It seems like we are always in the same situation when we move. When the time comes to finally hit the road, we are so ready go get going. Maybe it’s a way of making it easier to leave. Haha, who knows!

We are starting to get settled in our new town. It’s a lot busier than Starkville is. There are soooo many places to shop and to eat. I love having options! If you are at all familiar with Starkville, MS you’ll know there’s really not a lot to do there. There’s no shopping really, and a few restaurants that we would alternate between. I’m so happy to see a Target and a Home Goods and a Hobby Lobby within 5 minutes of our house. About 10 minutes away from our house is an outlet mall and a Bass Pro Shop. If we want to eat out, we have so many options. We really love that. And that’s just our town, not even Little Rock. I’m excited to explore all the new places and see all the new things to do!

Shelby started work yesterday. It’s a slow week or so at the club, so that makes it nice while he’s trying to learn the dynamic and the flow at work. Things will really start to pick up soon.

The kids start their new school on January 7th. We haven’t been able to actually enroll them in school yet. They told us we had to wait until school started back on the 7th. So I’m not sure how that will go on the first day back. I think they’re excited about their new school. I think they’re nervous too, which is to be expected. I hope they get placed with wonderful teachers and are able to find some really good friends soon. I hope they’re able to get in with the right circles and be surrounded by kids who will help them be the best versions of themselves.

I have a job interview on January 15th. So far that’s the only positive feedback I’ve received about a potential job. I’ve been passed over for a handful of jobs I’m 100% qualified for. I know that everything happens for a reason, and I’m going to find the job I’m supposed to have – but it is frustrating to be passed up on something you know you can do, and do well. I told myself I wouldn’t let it bother me when I “don’t meet the minimum qualifications” on a job I actually DO meet (and exceed) the minimum qualifications for, but it’s hard. I’m going to try to do better about that.

Believe it or not, we are still living out of boxes. This is what’s the hardest for me I think. I need my spaces to be organized and things to be in their place. Right now NOTHING is in it’s place, except for the kitchen. I’m so ready for things to just be in place and our routine to be established and for us to start living life. I’m so impatient on that. I need to get my act together because it makes me sort of on edge and grumpy. 99% of me is so happy and excited to be here, I’ve just gotta work on that crazy 1% of a perfectionist that lives in my mind. haha

Until next time!

Life Lately

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We are inching our way up the rollercoaster and we are sooo close to barreling down the other side!  We’ve already been going through the house and boxing things up, and making some progress.  This weekend Shelby and I will hit it pretty hard and try to knock out the majority of what’s remaining.  

Tomorrow is my last day at work by myself.  I’ve been frantically trying to get a manual together for my replacement.  It’s been hard finding some time to myself to really work on it, and now there’s a big time crunch .. I’m definitely feeling the pressure.  There is so much information to cover! If you’re ever feeling like you don’t do enough at work, try writing a manual! You’ll realize you actually do a LOT!

Friday is Shelby’s graduation.  I’m so excited to have the day off to spend with him, our sweet kiddos, and Shelby’s parents.  We are all so incredibly proud of him! He came in this evening with his cap and gown on to show the kids .. their faces were completely lit up.  You could see the excitement and pride in their eyes.  They know that Shelby has been working towards this goal for so long.  It was such a sweet thing to see.  We decided to let them skip school on Friday so that they could attend graduation.  I’m happy they will have this memory of seeing their daddy walk across the stage.  

Harper has had an eventful week or so.  Last week she was diagnosed with RSV and a double ear infection.  Since then she’s broken a tooth through the gum, and started rolling over for us.  She’s naturally a happy and chill baby, so we didn’t realize she was so sick.  We just thought she had a cold.  Once she got on some meds we could tell that YES she really hadn’t been feeling good.  Right now she’s SO bubbly and happy.  She makes us all laugh every single day.  I don’t know how we got so lucky with this baby! 

I think after Friday things will really start picking up for us.  It’s busy right now, but I truly feel this is the calm before the storm.  We pull out for Arkansas in 9 days.  Single digits! There are still a few things I’d really like to do before we leave.. but I’m so worried I won’t have a chance.  I’m sad that Christmas time is so close as well – I really want to get some gifts for the kids teachers, but when do I have time? And we are spending a lot of money right now with the move.  I will be back in Starkville for 1 day after the new year.  Maybe I can get my act together and bring some goodies back to them.  

I can’t wait to share some memories of Shelby’s graduation with you soon.  Tomorrow is his final presentation, and then he’s D O N E !  If you get a chance, think happy thoughts for him tomorrow and Friday!

Happy December!

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HAPPY MONDAY and HAPPY DECEMBER! Wow, I can’t believe we are in our last weeks in Mississippi.  These past couple months have absolutely flown by.

There are so many things on my mind and on my to-do list for this month.  I really wanted to focus on some goals for 2019, but I honestly haven’t had time to sit down and think about them. Maybe I can start my new year goals in February, and give myself January to get everything situated and squared away.  Starting out the new year by offering myself a little grace, not perfection.

I don’t really have much to say, but I did want to pop in and say HAPPY DECEMBER and I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season.